A man and a woman get married and they have the best sex better than most people would think and their sexual compatibility is a large part of their relationship one day the husband finds out that he needs to go on a business trip that will last a couple of months He decides that in order to keep his wife from getting mad at him for the unsuspected trip or get lonely while he is gone he will get her a sex toy after he gets finished with work that day he drives down to joes lingerie emporium the best place in town he asks the assisting staff in the front of the store what the best sex toys for women on stock are the staff member shows him a selection of salacious devices that are interesting and fancy but that the husband won't serve as a good substitute while he is away he asks whether or not there is anything better at all and in response to this the staff member shoots a couple of sideways glances at other parts of the store to make sure you are out of ear shot they then proceed to lead the husband to a back room that is poorly lit with an altar in the middle atop this alter is a simple mahogany box after inquiring about the nature of this box the husband finds out that it contains something called the voodoo dick he opens the box to see a simple wooden dildo of standard length inside incredulous he asks the staff member how this simple object could possibly be the best to which the staff member replies by pulling a flesh light from behind their back and saying voodoo dick flesh light to the husbands great surprise the wooden device flies out of the box and begins thrusting the flesh-light of its own accord immediately intrigued the husband asks the staff member how much it costs and is told that before purchase he will have to learn to control it he quickly masters the only two commands saying voodoo dick and then the thing that the controller wants it to initiate intercourse with and saying voodoo dick box in order to get it to stop the husband pays the price of $2000 dollars without hesitation and quickly heads home to show his wife after informing her of the trip he will take he quickly shows her the device he begins by saying voodoo dick my wifes vagina and the device begins to thrust her so vigorously that she passes out from ecstasy he commands the device to go back to its box and gets some sleep before leaving early the next morning to get to the airport when the wife awakes to find herself alone she quietly contemplates the nature of the strange device before getting ready for her own job after a week and a half of putting it off she decides to finally use the dildo that her husband acquired for her saying voodoo dick my vagina after an hour of pure pleasure she realizes she doesn't know how to deactivate the device and begins to panic she tries everything from calling her husband who is on a plane and cant answer to pulling it out which is futile for reasons she doesnt understand she decides to drive to the hospital to see if medical professionals can alleviate the problem what she didnt plan for was how hard it would be to drive straight on her way there and promptly swerves all over city streets when she is finally pulled over by a burly traffic policeman she recounts those recent events to the man telling him that shes being fucked by a crazy voodoo dick and this is where the officer says voodoo dick my ass.

FTFY