( hate to be that person but i was compelled to edit your wall of text to make it easier to read )
TwoXChromosomes, I need some objective advice from people who have been in a similar situation, I've been dating someone for a few months and everything was going great until we unearthed an issue he had been suppressing for over a decade.
He started going to counseling, but his mental health started going downhill and long story short, I left the country and we didn't talk much for a couple weeks because he felt triggered every time we spoke.
Although he didn't want to go back to counseling he decided to anyway and his mind started spiraling out of control almost once a week and each week he seemed to turn things on me a little more and more and he refused to accept that he is depressed and has since decided to stop going to counseling.
Almost no one in his life knows about these issues and it was way too much pressure for me, I was starting to get anxiety and I was stressing out about his well-being. He disrespected me one night while he was drunk and high, and things went downhill from there.
I've always expressed the way I feel about his need to get help, but I also know it is not my job to fix him and I understand that he has to choose to get help.
A few days after that bad night, he told me he felt like he was losing control of himself. He felt like he wasn't putting his own needs first and he was letting go of a lot of parts of his life. He said he felt like he wasn't a good person. He said he needed space. He didn't know how to articulate what that meant for us and after questioning him several times, he finally said we needed to take a break because he needed to find himself again, and he couldn't be there for me the way I expected him to be. He said he didn't want to hurt me during the process. Besides one e-mail and two texts, we haven't talked to each other since then (2 weeks).
Despite these few bad days, he is the most incredible man I've ever met. Everything, and I mean everything, has been great. I don't think I could have imagined a better partner for myself. I understand he is depressed and don't blame him for anything. I know that if we're both willing, this could work, maybe not forever, but for the foreseeable future.
I have already told him that I'm willing to wait for him to work on himself as long as he still wants us to work. I never realized how important he is to me until now. Not being able to talk to him has been incredibly hard for me, but I don't want him to think I can't respect his need for space. I don't want to pressure him while he's still trying to regain control of himself. We're both in graduate school and share the same spaces. We have a lot of mutual friends there too, so not thinking about him or not hearing about him is almost out of the question.
I go to weekly counseling and I have deactivated my FB. Knowing that he only needs space from me is hard, I know not to take it personally. Not seeing him be socially active makes things easier for me, which is why I try to reduce my time on social media. I know that him asking for space isn't a rejection of me, but the longer we go without contact the more it feels like a full on breakup. I try not to think about it that way because everything he has said points to him wanting to eventually start dating again.
Do you have any tips on how to be patient in this kind of situation? I am trying to find a balance between not forcing myself to forget about him (I can be really good at creating distance between me and people) and not allowing myself to be consumed by thoughts of him. I know he's worth all this and have no doubts about that, but I also don't want to be stuck around waiting needlessly. I told him I'd wait for him to contact me first, but at this rate I feel like I may be the one who reaches out to him first.
I just need some reassurance--3 weeks of no contact is probably all I can take. How would you suggest I communicate that to him without making him feel pressured and without making it seem like I can't respect his ask? I need to take care of myself and part of that will mean communicating my need to know where we stand, but I want to do it in a way that isn't threatening to him. Thanks, ladies!