The Warmth Within Your Eyes

Yeah, I've had to completely rework everything over the past day. Based on all the feedback I've received, this is what I've got so far:

I'm a human ice sculpture,
I'm frozen head-to-toe;
Everywhere I go, I leave behind
A trail of snow.
Though the coldness in my life
Has molded me in ice;
When I bask inside your love
The world feels warm and nice.
I melt when I meet your gaze,
I can't withstand your heat;
Just a glance reduces me
To water at your feet.
When I look into your eyes
I lose my icy core;
Drip by drip I soften
To a puddle on the floor.
You could hold me in your hands
And lift me past your knees;
Cupped inside your fingers,
I would take the shape you please.
All my walls defrost
When I am lying next to you;
Frozen layers fade away
Until I'm something new.
Constant coldness in this world
Has filled my heart with ice;
But I melt when I'm beneath
The warmth within your eyes.

/r/OCPoetry Thread Parent