Watched porn since I was 6 years old and it ruined my childhood and adulthood almost completely. Here is my story. *GRAPHIC*

I've been having depression since I was a born till my adult life. What he did to me was terrible. Let me elaborate my struggles as a child. When I was 7-8 years old, my Dad woke me up in the middle of the night. He told me to follow him into the bathroom and I did as I obeyed. He told me to sit down on the edge of the tub and I sat feeling sleepy. Not knowing what was going on, a hand came along and slapped me in face with full force. It woke me up and I had a nose bleed. My Dad was shocked and he cleaned my nose so my Mom wouldn't find out.

Another indecent occurred when I was watching a boxing match on tv. I pretended to punch the couch for the fun of it and my Dad saw me. Later that afternoon, no one was in the house except me and my Dad. He called me into his room and told me to stand still. Not knowing why I am here, he punched me in the gut, in the face, and other places. I thought he was crazy and I asked him "Why are you doing this?! What did I do wrong?!" All he said was "because you were learning how to fight! Do you want to beat up people like I'm beating you?! Huh?!" I was desperately looking for help but no one was here except me and the monster. After the beating, he told me to get out and so I left.

Gameboy was probably my favorite things in the entire world when I was a child. I remembered waking up early morning around 7 o'clock and sneak into the garage room to play my gameboy. I was hiding under the massage chair playing silently until I heard the door open. I was paralyzed how my Dad knew I left the room. My Dad came around took the gameboy and looked at it carefully. He smacked me in the head with the gameboy so hard that the batteries fell out. He left the room and I just sat there crying.

I was a naughty boy in elementary school. I would get demerits from teachers for misbehaving and I had to let my parents sign my demerit paper. One night, I had to let my parents sign the demerit paper before the due date. I left it on their table after they come back from dinner. I decided to sleep early hoping they won't wake me up. Sadly, that did not happen. My parents woke me up at 2:00 midnight and told me to go downstairs in the kitchen. They told me to take off my pants and I did not want to. My Dad lashed me with the belt at my legs and I was force to take off. I lay on the couch half naked and he lashed with full force screaming of how stupid I was. After the whipping, I was force to hold a 7 pound gallon water straight out front while bending my legs at a 90 degree angle. I had to hold this position for an hour or they will add in another 15 minutes if I stopped. I was sweating, shaking, breathing hard to fight the pain. I remember my Mom and Dad just sitting there watching me as if they enjoy to see me suffer. This torture practice has been going on since I hit 12 years old till I developed high blood pressure.

I am 25 years old now and things are getting better than before. Porn and video games were just a symptoms from my child abuse and now I know that my Dad is the real problem. Few years ago, my older sister left the family because she also went through child abuse. Now I believe her why she had to leave... because of my Dad.

I just want to say thank you to everyone in the chat for supporting me and helping me find the real solution to my problems. I always thought that porn was the problem but it was my child abuse from the past. Porn and video games was just a survival tool to suppress my emotional scars. Now I know what needs to be done. Thank you so much! I'll be back for more updates if needed

/r/depression Thread Parent