I make way more money than both my parents combined. In fact they're poor and can't pay their bills consistently. I'm constantly forced to help and can't seem to find a good way to move out without feeling like I'm abandoning them.

I think that you need to consider is what makes most sense for you to do and still rest easily at night. Listening to what other people, myself included, feel you should do is only going to push you in a direction that might not be the most appropriate for you and your family. I speak from both personal and professional experience.

In some cultures, children help the parents and in some cultures parents help the children. I don't know what is the expected norm for your culture. So, you need to consider if this is weighing heavily on you because of external pressures from your community or internal pressures only within your family system.

Also, what is your personality? Are you someone who tends to worry and/or feel guilty? What is the ultimate cost even outside of the cash you're sacrificing? Would you find less stress paying for their stuff but worrying about that financial dependency or not paying for their stuff and worrying about their ability to provide for themselves without crisis? What is peace of mind worth to you?

We don't all come from families that are self-sustaining. Sometimes, maintaining even the basics of shelter, food, and electricity requires a great sacrifice from many generations of a family. If we give in to societal pressures that tell us we should live on our own and people should be able to take care of themselves... then we exclude a large number of people on this planet.

Practically speaking, I like the advice of littlewoolie. I believe that if you continue supporting them you need to do it in a structured and official way. My sibling and I support my parents and after years of giving them cash that was wasted we now only pay their bills via direct bill pay. The last few months, we've had to infuse about $1000 cash into the situation for some medical related travel but we found some comfort in a routine of helping rather than just constantly throwing money down a hole.

If you choose to stop supporting them financially, please know there are ways you can still help out. You could hook them up with financial education classes or counselors. You could hook them up with community resources. You could even introduce them to credit karma or other free financial monitors so they can try to rebuild their credit.

Either way, good luck with your situation. I know, from experience, this isn't an easy position to be in at any point in your life. Your situation in life may change and there may come a time when you can't financially afford to help them out. So, consider that as well... take care of yourself first. I've neglected to do that many times and have suffered from it. I also had a relative who literally went from a six figure salary for 30+ years to dying alone, destitute, and in massive debt because her family took every dime they could take over the last years of her life.

Good luck.

/r/offmychest Thread