3. I was wayward, we are reconciling: A perspective and a call for help.

I was wayward, we are reconciling: A perspective and a call for help.

I ask why all the time. I have seen counselors on my own, and am currently look for a long-term IC. You pretend to know me, to know my remorse, and to know my attitude? I am low. I apologize and admit I am the problem. I am willing to wait and have told her that.

So you believe, in your own hurt, that I am less than a human being? You seem to be a person of faith, and yet you believe that you are better than those who cheat? More of a human? More worthy of the atonement? I am not minimizing cheating AT ALL. Every single person, her family included and HERSELF included would say that I have never minimized what I did. I am not doing that here either. I am looking for the way forward! I don't know what this looks like, I haven't been here before. I admit daily that is am lost, and that my thinking is imperfect most of the time.

I am sorry that you have the pain you do, and more sorry if you feel that you never got what you needed to recover. What has your experience been? I treat her reactions like PTSD. But there are some REALLY bad things coming from this. Bad for her, and bad for me, and bad for our kids.

Do you believe I am worthy of death? Worthy of torture? Is there some amount of "punishment" that will make what o did okay? Like, EVER? No, because it will never be okay. There is NO price I can pay that makes this go away. At SOME POINT, and I don't know when, you have to decide to make the healthy decision for everyone. If staying with me kills her spirit and will never make her stronger again, then she shouldn't be with me.

I will do whatever I have to to help her find a happy life. I hope it's with me. I would go through hell if it makes a difference. I am saying that if this hell is just making it worse for EVERYONE, then why would I want to be the source of MORE damage?

Honestly, I am so sad for all of those that have been hurt by people like me. It's horrible. But I am not the scum of the earth, regardless of your opinion. I am still worth something. And be careful, because you never know who you might push over the edge. I know, cheating can do the same, but I've admitted my fault. Have you addressed your anger and how it might damage and hurt others? I am changing and doing so every single day. I know I was being a narcissist, I have family issues. I am fine with change, because i refuse to ever be the person I became again. Good luck with your life.

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