Mine is a bit depressing. Went to the funeral for my ex yesterday. It was open casket, which I was not prepared for. I couldn't bring myself to go up, so I basically just sat through the service towards the back trying not to either pass out or throw up, and having the urge to go yell at him to wake up. Also, short funeral mass, no eulogy or actual mention of his life. So I feel like it wasn't really even closure.
On one hand I'm not sure why I'm so devastated by this. I knew there was no future when he refused to get appropriate medical attention for a serious condition, when he wouldn't get help for his drinking, and when he wouldn't stop going all willy nilly with the meds he would take. He'd start and stop them cold turkey, mix drugs with alcohol he shouldn't have been, etc. But we had actually been at the point of talking about moving in together, and had even been house shopping before we broke up. So at one point I did see a future. And the tragedy is that regardless of what the crash investigation outcome is, I'm guessing this is something that didn't have to happen.
Add insult to injury, I found out he lied to me, and I can't even yell at him now. When we started dating he said he had already been divorced for 6 months. I found out that he was actually still going through the divorce when he died. It wasn't like I was the hidden woman, and he was legally separated so maybe a moot point, but it makes me wonder now how much else he lied to me about. I know he was hiding things from me. I never knew about the medical condition until we ended up in the ER one night.
I'm also, maybe irrationally, angry that after almost a year of being broken up, and dealing with my own health issues, I finally felt like maybe I was ready to get out dating again. I'm not the type to jump from one relationship to another, so going a year between dating someone isn't uncommon for me. We had still been friends though, and I last saw him in September when he took me to lunch for my birthday. A few weeks later he got fired and then I think he stopped talking to me out of embarrassment. And I think he had moved on and had very recently started seeing someone new. But now I feel like my head is definitely not in the right place to try dating. I'm questioning why I get involved with the people I do, and how to meet someone who actually has their head on straight.
Sorry for the wall of text.
Tl;dr: Ex Bf died, wasn't prepared to deal at the funeral, not sure why I'm having quite such a hard time with this, and found out he lied.
PSA point of this: Don't lie about details while dating. It's a crappy foundation for a relationship and someone always ends up hurt. Doesn't matter if it is something simple like age or serious like marital status. What's matters is that it's a lie.