Weed gave me schizophrenic paranoia temporarily?

Before it all happened, I once felt a powerful "entity" come into me and fill me up with an intense feeling of love - better than sex. He told me that he loved me so much, and I would go to Heaven when I die, but if I kept abusing drugs and living the way I was, I would go insane. And he said he would not be able to help me out of this situation. I ignored it, because why should I listen to an invisible entity? I didn't even believe in God at this point! Strange though.

I should have listened to him. But I kept using drugs, weed and RX amphetamines.

It started with intense overwhelming emotions, such as anxiety, paranoia, and other feelings I can't describe. I became much more paranoid than normal, that people were talking about me behind my back, watching me, etc. Then I started to feel like I wasn't completely in control of my thoughts, as if it was a sort of "train" on a track doing its own thing. Only slightly at first, but it got worse.

I also found myself 'talking" to myself in my head all the time. Concentration on the real world became much more difficult. My behaviour also became more disorganized and erratic, and sometimes manic - I would skip classes to do pointless shit, buy things I didn't need, etc. My emotions became directed towards useless things. I stopped doing the things I should have been doing in life.

Eventually I started to believe people or something could read my thoughts. At some point I began to perceive telepathic contact with other people as well as "spiritual" entities, such as demons and God. I genuinely believed this was real. First it was just emotional energy, then it became thoughts being transferred into my head, and finally I began to hear voices and see visions.

I also developed delusional beliefs. I started to believe I was an angel of God or the Messiah, and that I had to do something to "wake people up" or save the world, or destroy Satan/the Illuminati. Or even create the Apocalypse.

Eventually the "demons" tried to convince me all sorts of horrible things were true, such as me being the Antichrist, that the world would end soon, that I and everyone I loved was going to hell, that God was evil, etc.

It also forces me to have horrible thoughts about myself, God, and other people, all the time. Really disgusting thoughts that make me feel ashamed.

I now constantly feel like the "Devil" is trying to kill me, and that if I let him into my "heart" center, I will die. Voices told me this as well. When I let this happen to my "heart", I feel an overwhelming feeling throughout my entire body, centered on my heart, liek to the point where I think I will pass out. So I have to CONSTANTLY fight the "Devil", because if he gets in, the feeling overwhelms me and I think I will die.

It's not just a panic attack, this feeling I get is INHUMAN and powerful. Euphoric actually, orgasmic, sooo good, but too strong. Like death. Release.

I have had MANY other symptoms, but I'm too lazy to describe them all right now. Some of my experiences would have made even an experienced ten-strip acid eater SHIT FUCKING BRICKS. It has been intense.

I still have these symptoms every day.

For what it's worth, "God" still tells me that he loves me sometimes, but he says this is all a test, and he can't make it better. And that this is all a result of my own mistakes. Then other times I am told I am damned to hell. I can no longer feel any normal human emotions or happiness.

/r/Drugs Thread Parent