I feel like damaged goods. In 2018 I started having homicidal thoughts. Fearing I would act on them, I went to the ER and inpatient treatment. I now take an anti-psychotic and antidepressants that both just leave me tired, fat, unmotivated and slightly less depressed.

I avoid women. Even eye contact is too much. "Men fear being rejected, women fear being raped or killed," after all. I don't want to make women fear being raped or killed. I'd rather just leave them alone. No woman's gonna want someone who fears his own homicidal thoughts.

I genuinely have no idea how to continue at this point.

Before you respond: -Yes, my male therapist knows all of this -Yes, my female psychiatrist knows all of this -Yes, I consider myself an incel (mentalcel, I suppose)