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Fun Little Skit

This is your top of the hour public radio news update, I’m Michael Hawk, Michael Seagull is out this week recovering from Brainerd diarrhea. In foreign trade the Yen has gained several points raising some alarm from Japan’s top currency diplomat Matsuzaki Moramoto who spoke to NPR from his hospital bed in Kyoto where he is recovering from Brainerd diarrhea. Man Speaks in Japanese with an English voiceover “It worries me deeply that the oversight board has not stepped in to regulate what is clearly an abuse of international trade law. Cries in pain and shits himself It’s really a tragic situation that could have been avoided if the Chinese had followed the guidelines set out at the G-20 last year.” In domestic news the President will not be attending this afternoons annual egg race on the White House lawn as he is recovering at Walter Reed from Brainerd diarrhea. Also domestically the New England Patriots are set to play the Cincinnati Bengals for the 78th SuperBowl this Sunday at Foxboro Stadium in what is turning out to be one of the greatest Cinderella stories in sports history after the entire starting line of the Bengals fell ill to Brainerd diarrhea allowing the allstar prowess of the B team to shine. Drafted freshly from Notre Dame Andre Dameraux now leads the league with the most yards rushed per game by a quarterback at 407 yards after several members of the Ravens, Buccaneers, Redskins, Packers, and the Chiefs defensive line crumbled to the ground in fits of Brainerd diarrhea. In science and tech doctors all over the world are coming together in hopes of solving the recent outbreaks of Malaria in Central Africa using an app that Uber is claiming infringes on copyright law. For more we go to Lakshmi Singh in Kampala, Uganda. “The situation is tense here outside the office of the Prime Minister as people desperate for answers plea for their government to intervene. Protestor speaks in Swahili and is voiced over in English “Someone needs to do something about this. My sister said she knows someone at work with Malaria, this is a very serious situation. Why should a giant corporation hold someones life in their hands?” We reached out to Uber for comment but were told their head of p.r. is currently on medical leave recovering from Brainerd diarrhea. This is NPR.

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