A mega cute hippie chick said hi to me outside my apartment. Needless to say that was the only thing I thought about the rest of the day. Too bad she could be: 1) like 29 or some shit (I'm a childish 20 year old) 2) someone with proper standards 3) a party person 4) a serial killer 5) just a nice person who greets neighbours in general and I overthink useless shit.

I'm really conflicted about it. I don't really search for, or necessarily even want anyone right now. I feel weird about ever being vulnerable like that. I think about death so much I just forget about the present. I still feel certain that I will die soon. Just doesn't seem like I belong here anymore if that makes sense.

I don't want to let anyone down. I don't want to be someones problem. I want to live on, and find that lost feeling of belonging, and if I push through, I'm sure I will.

I really hope to feel that love people keep talking about, at some point.

All this because of a small genuine smile and a hello. Could you imagine how my brain would flip if they'd said a word more.

Yeah, have a nice week guys. It's gonna get better soon.