I don’t want to minimize the horror of this pandemic or anything, as it’s truly flipping so many people’s lives upside down. However, 2019 was such a hard year for me and I finally turned things around from the end of last year until right before quarantine. I was on a nice, steady routine, made new friends, found cool spots to visit, started dating again, and lived life with more fulfillment.

I’ve been having to grieve so much of my old life and it sucks to have to grieve a bit of my new life, too. I know that every new day is a new chance at life but having so many ideas with nowhere to enact them is frustrating. I feel like a wind up toy that has been wound to its absolute point but then got knocked over. Now I’m just chittering all over the ground directionless.

Silver lining is that I have had to face realities on my own. All of the things I’d brushed to the side to work on internally have now come up with a vengeance seeking resolution. I’ve managed to become more aware of my thought process and how I land on the negative. I play “What is true about this situation?” in my head now at least 20 times a day. It’s really helpful to not react to an emotion but instead feel it completely. Quarantine has been an unintended self discovery of sorts.