I sent an email and cancelled about an hour ago saying I had a work meeting moved to Thursday that I can neither reschedule nor miss. It didn't feel good to lie. I miss them terribly already. But I have spared them my theatrics, at least. It really is for the best in this case, I think. I refuse to drag them down with me. I won't.

They wrote back and said they understood and to reach out if support is needed. I don't think it would help if we did reach out at this point. I've been reaching out and I'm no less fragmented, no less fucked. Also, yeah right - I'm not about to send them an email while they're lying on a beach on another continent. Not happening.

I think I'm done.