My mom just realized she was a bad mom for the first time ever tonight, and started crying. (And of course I immediately started lying and telling her how good she was and not to have such big regrets, ugh. I can’t even tell if that was a mistake or not. It was all just horrible.) It feels so weird, and it’s a lot to process. I don’t even know how to feel right now. And I have this unbearable impulse to text my old T and ask her to talk about it. It’s so stupid, because I know she isn’t good for me and I probably wouldn’t even be able to talk to her about it because she made me feel unsafe. But she’s the only person who’s watched this whole journey unfold. She’s the only person who would fully get it and even begin to understand the impact of how crazy what just happened is. But I have no one to talk to about it. And all my therapists are new and by the time I could even begin to explain my whole relationship with her there wouldn’t be time to talk about the impact of what just happened. I hate starting over. Even though I know it’s for the best, ending things with her is still a loss for me. Until I begin to develop a relationship with one of the new T’s, I’m alone again, with no real support. And that will take time. But what do I do right now?