Today the weirdest thing happened in session. I sometimes freeze up when I dissociate and can't speak for a bit. But usually that resolves itself after I get grounded. Today however I got stuck in that idea that I couldn't speak and then that it had taken me too long to speak and that I was being stupid and weird and should speak. And I couldn't.

I was somehow spiralling mentally about this. So the last 20 minutes of session I was a mute. I wasn't able to say a word. My T realized what was going on and she tried to help me but I just couldn't. I didn't even manage to say bye at the end. I shook her hand and smiled and I did try to communicate in other ways, so it's not like I shut her out. But no words would come out. I feel like an absolute basketcase now. I just e-mailed her to explain and though we agreed she won't respond to e-mail (I made her agree to that) I asked if it's possible to please e-mail back and tell me I'm not an absolute idiot. lol