Just chiming in, I’m happily married and I also have some erotic transference so I wouldn’t say those things are mutually exclusive. I do think the erotic feelings can be a healthy outgrowth of a positive attachment that isn’t “against the rules” for married folks. The experience is uncomfortable, sure, but it points to the positive feelings you have about your t, which are good and helpful.

Then again, I guess my views are bit nontraditional, I’m a woman married to a woman with a female therapist. My wife and I acknowledge that attractions to other people are normal and inevitable. But she is not threatened by my feelings about my therapist because it’s safe and contained. We all know it’s never gonna happen (my t is straight, married and almost 20 yrs older than me). Its different than if you felt sexual attraction with a friend or co-worker where the relationship doesn’t have rigid boundaries enforced by a licensing board.