Weekly Vents & Victories - Newcomers start here! - 8/29-9/5

My therapist is moving, and he "promised" (my interpretation) that we could do online sessions and that it shouldn't impact our relationship too much. I was struggling with this, but trying hard to view it as a normal loss and not a big deal.

Well yesterday in therapy I had a major breakdown and we worked through some serious abandonment stuff, and at the end I told my therapist that I didn't want him to leave, and that a part of me really needs his support and that I'm scared of changing our routine. Now my therapist is backpedaling a bit and trying to talk to me about finding someone here to support me, and that he has to consider his liability and whether it's safe to continue our relationship from a distance, since I might need more support than he can offer.

This caused me emotional state to really tank, and I am having a lot of trouble with this. I feel so angry that he's changing his mind after I've spent several weeks trying to process this change and convince myself that everything will be fine. I understand he's trying to do what's best for me, but I am so fucking angry that I might not get a say in it. I don't want to establish a new therapeutic relationship. It was hard enough just to trust him. We've been meeting twice a week for two years, and it's just now starting to feel safe and comfortable going to sessions and letting him see all the parts of myself. It took me so long to trust the process and trust him. I only stuck with it because of faith, honestly. I thought it I kept pushing myself in therapy that eventually things would just kind of fall into place, and so far that's paid off. But now that I'm finally "here" and present with him and have opened myself up fully, he's leaving and potentially pawning me off to someone else.

I am a total mess, and my usual grounding techniques aren't working. This is hitting some really deep stuff, and I feel like I'm choking.

/r/CPTSD Thread