I met someone on the app and he insisted on meeting ASAP since he was going to another city for a month. We met and hit off instantly the evening before he flew out . It wasn’t a date; we just hung out. I thought it would fizzle out but he continued texting day and night for weeks after that We met after a month and a half, he walked me home etc etc but it was still a hang out, never a date. I knew he was recovering from a then 5 months old heartbreak (broken engagement at that) and I didn’t want to push him. 6 months later he still had no feelings, he took other women for “dinners” too, never dates as explained by him. It was so exhausting that I had to quit with a heavy heart. I sometimes feel the feelings were mutual and i am very sure I’d have known it had it been just friendship. But I was too exhausted to explain and didn’t want to pitch myself against other women. Because what’s a relationship if someone needs to be explained the value of it? What’s meant to be strikes the heart in silence too.

So I walked away. I have had crazy anxiety bouts, And i feel terrible for losing him entirely. I feel guilty for leaving his side as his support too while he was healing from his past. I honestly really tried to be there but it literally tore my heart when I heard him say that he was meeting other women because he was ready to commit again. I couldn’t understand why that woman couldn’t be me if we could spend hours texting and bonding like we knew each other since a lifetime ago. Two months of trying to move on with the void. My only consolation is that i quit being a doormat for the first time in life for someone I held so close to my heart

But I don’t feel good at all. I’ve watched Ted talks, read articles, tried exercising, eating well, traveling but his absence engulfs me every day. I am so mentally fatigued I don’t know how to feel better