I have several memories of similar experiences. My first memories are of being in extreme states of derealization where I do could not identify anything or anyone around me. These co-occurred with several (thankfully misunderstood) suicide attempts that did not feel like I had emotional been driven to, but came from a feeling of wanting to simply stop existing because I could not feel grounded or connected to anything, and felt a complete lack of want or identity.

I've been going through therapy more intensely for derealization/CPTSD due to it, but it's been difficult. This intense profound derealization has been a constant for my entire life, along with a constant desire to "cease existing" and bizarre intrusive images, and have been difficult to address as there is no trigger, nor anything I'm aware of that happened at such a young age that might have caused dissociation or such responses.