Hi all and Happy New Year with hope atleast,

I'm 26,from Hungary, everyone in my family got some kind of not extreme disorder: anxiety, depression, panic etc. Pretty sure I got some kind of GAD since I was 12 maybe, wasn't this bad in the beginning, from the moment I wake up until I try to sleep, it just comes without any long thinking and taking myself into panic, feels like almost my open awakened mind is in solitary confinement I can openly speak about it, I've no idea how in all these years I not searched for this sub.

I was always a bad student, not cause I'm dumb but cause the anxiety makes a fog and blocks my thinking into panic, I could annoyingly speak all day about anything without a single stuttering, but when I have to speak(ordering something in a restaurant or when I was-not sure how is it called, the one in school who tells the teacher who is ill or something the words just don't come out of my mouth, everyone laughs and I fallen into depression, this was the time when it wasn't starting from the morning but just in situations.

Sadly everyone I'm contact with only worsens the situation on blaming it on things like whey protein and "go to the park it will help".Most likely it started cause my mother/dad broke up when I born, grew up with my grandma and I was hearing and still, each of them blaming the other 2 for everything. It felt awful, every day, non stop, on Christmas etc. Every one of them got the abnormal fear and bond to something or someone, when I went to a party for the 100th time they called my friends after one hour. Now I got the same for a girl who escaped from the closed class(not sure how it's called) the lifeguards took her there cause of a panic attack, the place where they give you meds and bondage you to the bed. I was in desperate love with her, I'm her best friend, she's disqusted when I wan't to hug her and I'm disqusted by her stories about what others do her(not physically).

My 2 best friends made it to the same closed class(really not sure how it's called, not psychiatry, worse than that), one of them gave warning shots with dummy bullets to the police when they tried to helm him.

I never took any meds except the natural one with tutsan which made my anxiety and trying to sleep worse cause I'm sure it's for someone who is in depression and not for someone who is in anxiety. Visited 2-3 psychologist, awful experience with them. I'm pretty sure I need a therapist+psychiatrist, searcing for one right now, but the government care tends to be awful here sadly.