I get that. My wife has said in the last few weeks that she only participated in the swinging to please me, revisionist but it does fit the typical cliche of the horny pushy dude. So I can't imagine going back to that. The girlfriend is being amazing, she says she is rooting for my wife and I to stay together. No ultimatums from her, last night she even tearfully offered to "take a break". But due to past behaviors from my wife I'm very hesitant to give much on this. The girlfriend and I spent a lot of time and cycles appeasing my wife over the last several years. It was unhealthy and established a power imbalance that I do think led to the current impasse.