Well, it got worse

You say you want to fix the relationship- but it needs input from BOTH parties, and I can guarantee he isn’t going to change. He doesn’t feel like he has done anything wrong. You can make all the changes in the world and it won’t make a bit of difference - as long as he gets away with cheating and controlling you then he’s not going demote himself to an equal partner. Sadly, no matter how much you want to, you can’t fix him. The only person whose behaviour you can control is yourself.

Frankly, it doesn’t matter if you’ve hidden things from him - other than your personal finances being none of his business, it does not excuse his behaviour. He has no right to your personal property and no right to tell you what to do and where to go. He’s convinced you that he has the right, but no one does.

I know it sounds like people are being harsh, but they are scared for you because they’ve been there. They know the signs of an abusive relationship and are desperate to pull another victim away from that.

Let’s say that he is capable of changing though and he can become a better person who doesn’t cheat or abuse his partner. It’s possible - it’s just not possible while the two of you are in a relationship. This dynamic is enabling his negative behaviour. If you compare it to trying to combat an addiction whilst constantly surrounded by your trigger (e.g. trying to give up smoking when your job is to manufacture cigarettes and you live with a family of chain smokers), it becomes a near impossible feat. He can’t stop being abusive towards you as long as you’re both in a relationship.

It’s ultimately up to you, but you should really think about what is being said to you. Decide if this is the life and future you want for yourself. Stay safe.

/r/JustNoSO Thread