WARNING: this most defiantly doesn't belong here.

I've reached my goal weight!

Well actually I reached it a week ago and have since been trying to eat at maintenance. So far I've found it very hard.

I'm never hungry and feel as if there's a stone in my stomach after every meal time. And my belly's always so bloated from food, I look fat. I feel fat.

I'm on my summer holidays so I cant go to the gym and I'm losing all my muscle. I hate it and it makes me hate myself. I can't do home routines easily because my whole family thinks I'm sick (anorexia). I don't feel as if I'm sick, but I can see that some of my behaviors are disordered and maybe I'm underweight (46kg, 165cm, BMI 17), but I still eat 1200 calories most days.

My mother's down my throat and wants me to gain 5 kilos. She feels as if she achieves such goals by watching me eat big portions. Doesn't matter what I eat, so long as I eat a lot of it.

My younger sister takes every chance she gets to snitch on every strange thing I've done in the past year and a half. Saying I throw my food up, track calories on my phone, take body checks. It's all true, and that makes it worse.

The other one actually knows something about calories (but not a lot) and tracks mine. She's not with me for every meal though and only pushes 400 cal meals on me, which I can work around. She also wants to talk about 'why I feel like I need to do this' (I'm not sick though). Luckily she's not here at the moment, so that's fine.

At the moment I'm eating 1500 a day. I'm sure that's still a deficit and not maintenance for me, but I don't have access to a scale and don't want to start gaining weight. I'm finding it hard though and usually have to really push myself to eat over 1200 which makes me feel like a glutton.

I'm at my goal weight, my family thinks I have anorexia, my mother' sending me to a therapist the second we get home, my sister can't sit down for a meal with me and I've never felt fatter. My life's a mess.