Went all mama bear...

I'm going to be a minority viewpoint here. I agree that you weren't an asshole, and that the little boy's parents shouldn't have allowed him to do that, and that you're right to protect your child. That said, I don't think you handled this right. There's some backstory here so you can skip to the bold part if you want.

When my eldest turned 2 he started getting rough with little ones. It was baffling how our sweet, kind, and sensitive little boy would just abruptly single out the littlest kids, walk over and shove them over. His face would get very still and blank. Every time it happened was embarrassing and I felt so deeply ashamed and upset. I knew that everyone was judging me, and I felt awful and powerless. I worried that my dear son was a psychopath. We got afraid to take him out because when he wasn't around smaller kids he was charming, delightful, thoughtful, and compassionate.

My wife and I found out about Hand in Hand Parenting and took a free series of classes called "Building Emotional Understanding". We read their articles and listened to their podcasts. There was a ton of resources about responding to aggression.

Part of what we learned was that all kids (and arguably all people) want to feel close and connected to those around them. That connection is especially fragile for children for a lot of reasons. It's terrifying for them when they lose their sense of connection since they're basically helpless without the adults who care for them. When kids are scared and disconnected, they act out. That little boy moshing around was desperately trying to get his parents to pay attention to him. He would do anything - even side kick a little kid - just for the chance to have someone he loved get close to him and remind him that he's cared for.

We learned to recognize that our son had a lot of anxiety around social situations and we learned to recognize subtle body language cues that would lead up to his aggressive behavior. When we saw them, we would get in close - close enough to rest a gentle hand on his belly - and nuzzle him and play with him and the other kids. We realized that he felt bad about himself when he hurt other children and no little person should ever have to feel that way - there are no bad children, just off-track behavior. When he did start to get aggressive, we were so close and so focused on him we could physically stop him before he hurt anyone. We'd kindly assure him that we weren't going to let anyone get hurt, that everyone was safe. Then the tears would come. He had these big cries where he'd rage and push against us. It was exhausting. It meant that we couldn't just hang out with our friends because at least one of us had to be totally focused on him the whole time. If we both took our attention off him, that would be the moment he lashed out.

Slowly, things got better. He's now 4 and the aggressions are gone. He's very sweet with little kids now. He has a little brother who he showers with love and affection.

It was a big enough change that my wife took an instructor training course to teach Hand in Hand, our friends saw the changes in him and got interested in learning more themselves. There was no punishments, no time outs, no yelling at him, no shaming, and it worked. Whatever fear and anxiety in him that was causing his aggression is small enough that he's learning to deal with it more healthily.

Even though you don't know this kid, once you saw his behavior, you didn't need to just watch and hope he didn't do it again. That was setting him up for failure. You could have moved in so you were close enough to stop him from hurting anybody and just kindly told him, "I'm not going to let you do that. Do you want help getting your parent's attention?"

/r/Parenting Thread