He let me set the pace for our sex life but would still push a little more and frame it as exposure therapy
he didn't let you set the pace, because whatever boundaries you set he consistently crossed. he was going at his own pace the entire time, even when you made it clear that you were uncomfortable.
He would grope me constantly, pout if I didn’t let him and if I tried to stop him he’d playfully continue, all while justifying it
this is sexual assault.
I would start to feel gross and dirty because he’d just give me a look or make a sex joke about us, depending on company.
so what you're saying is, he was behaving so inappopriately that is started to physically disgust you.
Before going out to see him, I started wearing biker shorts over my underwear and two sports bras to hide my admittedly small chest, and I stopped wearing anything form fitting (to his vocal disapproval) and I started angling myself so my body was out of easy reach.
his inappopriate and sexualising behavior became so bad that you began to dress differently and felt uncomfortable even being near him.
I stopped sleeping well next to him, lying awake and waiting for when he’d roll over in his sleep off my breasts so I could move toward the edge.
and then it got even worse, to the point that you couldn't even sleep comfortably anymore.
If I brought up topics, actions or comments that made me uncomfortable, he weaseled around it with an excuse and turned it back to me about how I was lashing out at him for no reason.
so you set boundaries and expressed your discomfort, and then he disrespected that and made you the villain for it?
But when I said it felt unequal considering I went to his functions, he got mad
this is a classic tactic for abusers. and im sorry, but he was mentally (and in many ways sexually) abusing you. you said things didn't feel equal and he got mad about it... because of course he did?! of course he knows things aren't equal, and he likes it that way! he got mad because he didn't want that to change. he didn't want to have to put in more effort and respect your boundaries. sounds like he just wanted you to shut up about it and just let him keep treating you how he pleases.
He expressed his frustration that I led him on and let him think we had a future together when all along I wasn't willing to just try a little harder to meet his needs.
i wouldn't say you "led him on," more so that he just continued to behave inappropriately to the point that it pushed you away and made you uncomfortable to even be around him. and he didn't meet your needs. you expressed your discomfort and frustrations and he blatantly ignored them.
He said it showed that he was the only one in love all along because when you love someone, you give of yourself without keeping tally. When both people give freely, both are happy, but when only one side does, then one partner is slowly breaking down.
yes, and you were the partner that was breaking down because you were continuing to give him your time and effort, even when things felt unequal and uncomfortable for you.
He brought up how a typical guy would have gone elsewhere when starved of sex
oh, so he should be rewarded for not cheating on you? what a gentleman!
that normal couples have sex multiple times a week, not just once or twice a week.
there is no "normal" as everyone's sex life is different. some couples are lucky to have sex once a week because they're too busy working and taking care of their families. some couples have lower libido's and may only do it a few times a month. he's just being a prick, while not at all recognizing how his inappropriate behavior is what ruined your sexual desires for him.
But he'd been willing to take the "scraps" and overlook that until I was ready for that level because he loved me and wanted to spend our lives together.
"take the scraps?" dude, this guy is an asshole.
It ended with him telling me that it was fine, then thanking me for finally getting a conscience and sparing him from a sexless marriage, and wishing me good luck finding a guy who agrees to wait forever.
"finally getting a conscience" and "good luck finding a guy who agrees to wait forever" ? that's condescending as fuck. now he just sounds bitter.
look, stop beating yourself up and taking the blame thinking you did something wrong here. this person was abusing you, taking advantage of you, and then tried to paint you as the villain once you finally decided to do what's best for you. im glad you got out of this relationship, and despite whatever good qualities he may have had, the bad ones are... pretty bad. you made the right decision, you are not at fault here, and i hope that you can find someone who loves you and respects you in the way that you deserve. because this man was not that.