WGA Members Vote Overwhelmingly To Authorize A Strike If No Deal By May 1

Looks like this summer we're going to get terrible Columbo remakes written by ChatGPT:



The living room of a lavish mansion. A fire crackles in the fireplace as LT. COLUMBO, a rumpled and unassuming homicide detective, sits across from JAMES HASTINGS, a wealthy businessman in his 50s. They sip on scotch, the tension between them palpable.

COLUMBO (leaning forward) You know, Mr. Hastings, I couldn't help but notice something peculiar during our investigation.

HASTINGS (smiling) Oh? What might that be, Lieutenant?

COLUMBO (grinning) Well, it's just one more thing, you see. You mentioned that you were out of town on a business trip the night of the murder, but...

Columbo reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a PLANE TICKET.

COLUMBO (holding up the ticket) ...this plane ticket tells a different story. It's for a flight from Los Angeles to New York, departing on the night of the murder.

Hastings' SMILE FADES, and he looks visibly startled.

HASTINGS (stammering) I-I must've made a mistake. I meant to say I was in town.

COLUMBO (grinning wider) Oh, no need to explain, sir. But there's just one more thing. We spoke to your assistant, and she mentioned that you specifically instructed her to tell anyone who asked that you were out of town.

Hastings looks PANICKED, realizing he's been caught in a lie.

HASTINGS (trying to compose himself) Well, that's not uncommon, you see. As a businessman, I often have to be discreet about my whereabouts.

COLUMBO (smiling) Absolutely, sir. But there's just one more thing. We found your fingerprints on the murder weapon - a letter opener - at the crime scene.

Hastings is speechless, his facade crumbling.

COLUMBO (grinning wider) So, it seems like you weren't out of town after all, Mr. Hastings. In fact, it looks like you were right there at the scene of the crime.

Hastings is caught red-handed, unable to come up with an explanation.

COLUMBO (chuckling) You know, Mr. Hastings, you almost had me fooled with your alibi. But just one more thing... the devil's in the details.

Hastings hangs his head, defeated.

HASTINGS (sighing) You got me, Lieutenant. I did it.

COLUMBO (smiling) I had a feeling. It's always the little things that catch the big fish.

Columbo rises to his feet, ready to make an arrest.

COLUMBO (grinning) Well, Mr. Hastings, it's been a pleasure. But I'm afraid I'll have to take you down to the station now.

Hastings looks defeated as Columbo heads towards the door, but just before leaving, Columbo turns around with one last grin.

COLUMBO (smiling) Oh, and just one more thing... why did you do it?

Hastings looks up, surprised by the question.

HASTINGS (sighing) It was greed, Lieutenant. Plain and simple. I needed the money.

COLUMBO (nodding) Understandable, sir. But you know, there's just one more thing... murder's never the answer.

Columbo exits, leaving Hastings alone in the room, his guilty conscience weighing heavily upon him.


Oh God, it's so awful. God-speed WGA-writers. I hope you get a package that respects your contribution.

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