You know what to do!

"What is bloody wrong with you today?!" screamed Ron at Harry. "You're turning into Gilderoy Lockhart or something!"

"No, Ron, he's a starfish, remember?" Harry reminded his friend.

Ron nodded, then said, "Well, I'm hungry. Fancy a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, where can we find something?"

"Well, there's a little pizza place over there, maybe they have some snacks, like a strawberry shortcake Good Humor ice cream bar."

"Ron, we spell it humour' over here, remember? We're not Americans."

Ron edged slightly away from Harry again as they continued down the little boardwalk of shops until they reached the pizza place. They looked at the menu hungrily, not noticing that the real Gilderoy Lockhart had just strolled by singing, "Papa I knowthere's a frog on my toe!"

"How about this?" said Ron, pointing to something on the menu. "Cheesy garlic bread. Sounds num-num-a-licous!"

Now it was Harry's turn to back away slowly. "Isn't garlic bread kind of snack? You think it's ok with your mum?"

"What do you mean?" said Ron.

"Well, we didn't tell her we were getting a snack I mean, will she be mad that we got garlic bread?"

"No, what's she going to say? Ron, Harry, I'll hate you forever, how dare you buy garlic bread!'"

"I guess you're right," said Harry, and they went into the shop and ordered their garlic bread.

When they sat down to wait for their order Harry said to Ron, "My aunt is a zombie from hell."

"Yes, that's right," said Ron, who was preoccupied with making the Parmesan cheese shaker dance with a fork.

"Pass the bloody parmy!" screamed Harry out of no where. Several people stared.

"Order's ready!" said Barbara Streisand from behind the counter.

"Keep your fat nose out of our business!" yelled Harry as he snatched the box from her.

Professor McGonagall was in a corner booth by herself, Ron noticed, along with a large bottle of gin. She swayed drunkenly in her seat and hiccuped, "Marmosets! Rabid pygmy marmosets!"

While Harry was busy telling off Barbara for no real reason, Ron muttered, "The whole place has gone barking mad.. I see dead people" And then he began to laugh.

Harry and Ron arrived back a Ron's house a short time later, stuffing the greasy bread into their mouths. Just as they were heading up to Ron's room to finish their snack, however, Mrs. Weasley swooped down upon them. She had apparently been upstairs, plotting a sneak attack.

She narrowed her eyes. "I smell garlic bread." She sniffed, and corrected herself. "No, cheesy garlic bread!" She finally spotted the box of bread that Ron had been trying to hide behind his back.

Mrs. Weasley exploded with rage. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, BUYING GARLIC BREAD?! I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER THAN THAT, RONALD McDONALD WEASLEY! AND YOU, HARRY, I THOUGHT YOU HAD MORE SENSE!"

While Harry and Ron laughed, there was a sudden pop and They were no longer at the Weasley's house. They weren't even in Ottery St. Catchpole anymore.

They were at Harry's house.

Harry had no idea how he knew it was his house. It wasn't the Dursleys' house, no, it was nothing like that at all.

"Where are we?" said Ron.

Harry jumped, just realizing Ron was there. He also realized that it was the dead of night. What he did not know was that it was that certain fateful night of October 31, 1981, and some very odd things were about to happen in that house.

"I think," said Harry slowly, "that this is my house."

A newspaper lay on the kitchen table, which happened to be next to them. Harry picked it up. It was a copy of the Daily Prophet, and the date read, "October 31, 1981".

"Scrunchinator!" exclaimed Ron. "That garlic bread sent us back in time! Was it full of carbohydrates?"

"Maybe the magical garlic bread has sent us here to stop the murder!" Harry's heart gave an excited jump, though it didn't land very well.

"Let's go upstairs," said Harry in a hushed voice. It seemed the rest of the house was asleep. They passed a room with one wall painted green and a ninja turtle border going around the edge near the ceiling. An ugly TV sat on one side, and on top rested a Nintendo system, which hadn't yet been invented. Ghost Buster toys littered the floor.

"Ooooooh." said Ron, his eyes fixed on a sea otter plush toy in the corner. "Preeeettttyyyy."

Ron made a grab for the stuffed animal, but Harry held him back.

"No, Ronniekins, no touchie."

He took Ron by the hand and led him upstairs where he snapped back into life. "I think that hot Neville is up here..."

"He is not, you sexy homo!" hissed Harry. "It's my parents!"

"Who is it, James dear?" Lily muttered sleepily. "If it's Voldemort tell him tell him the Moin Moin hasn't bitten anyone lately and Paula's Vaseline should" She trailed back into sleep, but James didn't notice. He just looked at Ron and Harry, completely bewildered.

Lily was now awake, and she ran from the room and James followed. Harry could hear voices on the stairs.

"James Potter, you cannot defeat me!" said a snakelike voice, hissing and spitting as it spoke.

Voldemort laughed a horribly wicked laugh and Harry could almost hear him raise his wand to perform the killing curse.

Harry sprinted from the room and down onto the staircase landing where his father and Voldemort stood just feet apart, Voldemort's wand poised and James's blue eyes blazing.

Voldemort began to speak: "Avada Ked-" But Voldemort was cut short by Harry, who had leaped in front of his father.

"Who the hell are you?" Voldemort said, now looking at Harry.

Ron laughed gleefully. "You said a bad word! I'm un tell on you Bubba! Oh, here it comes!"

Harry simply looked back with determination. "Look," he said softly, not breaking his gaze with Voldemort. "For the past 14 years of my life, you have been more annoying than the people that work at Chico's. I am ready to kill you, and you should be ready to die. You are an evil, evil thing and I will not stand for it, you big fat slug."

Voldemort looked at Harry even more strangely than he had looked at Ron. He apparently wasn't used to being spoken to like this. Harry, however was growing angrier. He shouted louder than he had ever shouted in his life, "I WILL THROW A BALL AT YOU AND IT WILL BOUNCE OUT YOUR LIVER AND I WILL MUNCH ON IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, SO HA! OOH OHOH OOH!"

"What?" said Voldemort.

"Stop four way, Stop four way, Stop four way, stop four way" Harry chanted in a haunting melody. It repeated the words over and over again, watching a painful look on Voldemort's face taking was straining, but he couldn't take it anymore.

Voldemort just had to join in. "Stooopppp..four way! Stooooopppppp..four way! Can you feel it in the air, Stop four way, stop four way, Can you see the sign right there, stop four way, stop four waySTOP!"

The song ended and Voldemort was so close to blowing up it wasn't even funny.

But he was still alive.

Suddenly, Ron shouted from the railing, "Mwahahaha, I bestow upon you the magical powers of the chicken!"

Ron tossed a bird onto Voldemort's face that looked nothing like a chicken. It was a fat black ball of feathers with a long neck and even longer legs.

"That thing will follow you for the rest of your life, until you die!" screamed Ron maniacally.

Voldemort screamed and tried to run away, but the chicken-beast just ran right after him. He ran round and round in a dozen circles, trying to rid himself of the chicken. Suddenly, on the thirteenth time around, Voldemort stopped, saluted, and blew up.

"Yay!" said baby Harry, who was resting in Lily's arms.

Ron and Harry looked at each other. They have found it.

"demetri's recipe for the ultimate garlic bread never said we couldn't use ourselves..." Harry grinned, approaching his baby self.

Ron holds his Reddit app close to his eyes, reading u/demetri's. He glares at baby Harry, licking his lips.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY BABY!" Lily screamed.

"Avada Kadavra!" Harry cast, killing his mother, rolling to catch himself. Holding his now soiled self, he turns around seeing his father.

"Avada Kadavra!"

Surrounded by the dead Voldemort and parents, Ron and Harry inspect the baby Harry Potter.

"You think it'll taste good? demetri did sound like he knew what he was taking about..." Ron asked, peaking in the babies diaper.

Harry smiled, looking at himself. "Perfect... Just perfect. The oven's downstairs."

Harry and Ron locked arms as they descended the stairs he used to live in, salivating at the thought of the Best Garlic Bread in the world.

/r/GarlicBreadMemes Thread Parent Link - i.redd.it