I feel the same way. Was medicated through college and stopped from the side effects. Now with being an adult and working and responsible for my kids I’m very aware of my adhd effecting me not getting through things and ya I gotta check on this oh wait let me check my phone, I should put music on for this part of work oh my chair is a little squeaky...everyday. And I remember the clear focus when medicated but idk it’s just rough sometimes. Then when I get super pressure I’m able to buckle down a complete work. Then I let it slip and the cycle continues. Sorry for the long text, nice to see people going through what’s going on in my head cause it’s hard to explain. I was diagnosed when I was 15 and I remember teachers saying he has a learning disability. I wish I could just think normally sometimes. But other times it’s great where my mind takes me, as my wife calls them Super fun chip Douglas facts when I randomly remember some tidbit that I’ve retained from a random thing .