Everything in this post is my purely anecdotal experience. I am a man. I am very happily engaged, but this post come from a point of view of being single.
This is my open letter to both sexes for how to become attractive. The point of view will be skewed towards a man considering a woman, but it applies to both. This letter assumes that you are interested in making yourself attractive to strangers of the opposite sex, and not something ridiculous like your blood related cousins.
First, you must understand that to be attractive in any capacity takes time, money, and effort. You get out what you put in. The more excuses you make for yourself, the less overall attractive you will be.
Second, being attractive is about these three things (more or less). 1. Style. 2. Execution. 3. Personality. It is my firm belief that every man and woman can raise themselves to at least be an 8/10, if you try to perfect these points, regardless of how you look right now.
First is style. This is the question of "Who do I want to be attractive for?" If your answer is "Well, everyone!", that's a bit naive. Lets take an extreme case: You can be the most gorgeous knock out beautiful goth girl or juggalet but you will never be more than 5/10 attractive to the general population. This is because fundamentally, what we find value as attractive is just too different. Now, you can say that you want to be attractive to the general population, but the more you can narrow down what group of folks you want to find you attractive, the better your results will be.
Lets take a more subtle take on style. Lets say you're a woman who lives in major city. You are a personal trainer, totally caught up in the fitness world. Lets say you are totally buff, eat right, and workout hard. You wear nothing but workout clothes, with very little in the way of make up, just enough to be serviceable. Think something like this girl. You live and breathe the gym. To a male body builder, he is going to be head over heals for you because thats exactly the style that he is after. He wants that, hes desperate for that, he needs that, because thats what makes him tick. He is going to see you as a 10/10 knock out because thats exactly what he is looking for. Now lets take someone like me. I am a software developer. I like to play Diablo 3 and other games like Street Fighter. I think that gym girl in the picture is attractive, or course. But I consider a girl like this to be much more attractive because she is far more likely to check off what I am looking for in a woman. In fact, my fiance is exactly like this second girl, and I couldn't be happier. Do you know why some married couples are able to say they stopped actively looking at the other gender for attractiveness? Its because their spouse is tailor made to their exact style, therefore, no one can even come close.
You must get a firm grasp of what you want in a partner, and what that style looks like.
Second, execution. This is the obvious part of being attractive, and arguably the most self explanatory. Great, you nailed down a style. What steps are you taking to meet that style? What kind of hair style should you have? What are the steps you take everyday to make sure that hairstyle stays on point? Do you see a barber or hair stylist? How are your clothes? Do they fit? Are they in good condition? Do you know how to color match? Do you know the basics of fashion for this style? Do you know how to accessorize? Do you wear a watch? How about earrings? A Necklace? Do you know how to synergize all of that with your outfit? What do your shoes say about you? Do they say that you went to Payless and bought whatever was on sale? Or do they say that the shoes you are wearing were perfectly selected to go with the outfit your wearing? Are you overweight? Lose some weight. I am man enough to admit that I need to lose weight to become more attractive to my fiance or I risk her losing her being attracted to me. Do you have bad acne? See a dermatologist, and get it taken care of. Bad teeth, see a dentist. Etc etc.
Simply put, execution is how well you can pull off the style you are aiming for. Effort, time, and money reigns supreme in this category. Dont skimp here. You reap what you sow. The more excuses you make here the less your overall score will be. Self improvement is the name of the game. You have to make it look like you definitely give a shit about your appearance.
Third, is personality. Example time. Lets say you're a woman who has nailed down everything in the first two points, and you are a super cute gamer looking chick that I just started school with. I dont know a damn thing about you other than, I want to know everything about you, because of the way you look. So lets say that I approach you and I ask your name, and everything goes great. I ask you to dinner and you say yes. We get to the restaurant, we sit down and order, and you are rude as hell to our waiter for absolutely no reason, other than you're a massive fucking cunt. I will instantly lose all attraction to you. I will want nothing to do with you. I will do everything in my power to make it clear that I want nothing to do with you. Your personality is completely toxic, and you will poison every social encounter we will have together, and this absolutely kills any form of attraction I felt to you.
On the other hand, lets say you are totally open, honest, polite, charming, and just downright wonderful to be around. Well, now Im probably going to start to really fall for you, because you just showed me that the attractiveness I saw on the outside isnt just skin deep. I now know that I could have a real relationship with you. If you have a shit personality, you can fuck right off. I have no time for you. If you are an average looking girl, but your personality is top notch, then you will have my attention, even if I am not immediately attracted to you. We call this the "friend zone". What the friend zone means is: "Listen, I think you are a good person, but I am just not attracted to you. Im not saying I will never be attracted to you, but I am not attracted to you in your current state. However, you have a good personality and I value you as a person."
Another tip about personality: personality is also tied to style. Let say I am a deeply introverted accountant. I really do not enjoy large groups with lots of socialization. I couldnt care less about meeting new people. But lets say you are a deeply extroverted social butterfly. You want to meet as many people as you can before you die, and you have nothing short of a blast talking with all of them. Even if your other styles match, its likely that our personalities will not. I will be able to cope with some social interaction and you will be able to cope with scaling back, but unless we are both willing to make major sacrifices, our personalities will drive us apart eventually.
When it comes to personality, you need to make sure that you and them are at least roughly on the same page. Me and my fiance are both introverts. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to have someone understand how my brain works when it comes to people, and how wonderful it is to have someone who I understand the same way. Our personalities are never really in conflict. If you match my style, have good enough execution, and your personality is kind, polite, and considerate, AND our personalities match, you will have me hook line and sinker.
TL:DR; Attractiveness boils down to essesntially three things. Style, execution, and personality. You must practice all three if you really want to be seen as attractive. We could expand on these points for years, but attractiveness still boils down to those three points.
