Before I start: This is an honest, well-intentioned post, not an attack. Let me start off by saying I agree with a whole lot of feminist thought. I believe I, a white, male US citizen, live in a patriarchy (though my view of it is a little different from the mainstream feminist view). I do believe sexism exists in the US, and that women are often the primary victims of it. This is especially true of sexism that is difficult to measure (e.g., presupposition of girls' interests or how they should grow up). I also believe it's rampant in less-developed nations and that women are often suffer horribly because of it. That said:

What bothers me about feminism is the huge disconnect between the talking points and reality. I used to believe a lot of the most famous ones (gender wage gap, gender rape disparity, gender IPV disparity). But because I like to really understand things that are important to me, one day I starting digging. I read the entire CDC NISVS. Right at the top, it said 1 in 5 women were raped in America at some point during their lives. IIRC, right after that, it claimed 1 in 72 men were. I was blown away when I read further down that the statistics used for male rape didn't include being forced to penetrate, and that when they were included, the ratio of victimization all of a sudden dropped from roughly 1:14 to between 1:4 and 1:1, depending on the timeframe referenced. (Contrary to another very common line, the vast majority of male victims reported a female aggressor.)

I've never, ever seen a feminist mention this, though I have seen them push for a revised DOJ definition of rape, celebrate its acceptance, and ignore the fact that it covers up the vast majority of male victims. Feminists – and I unfortunately don't have time to cite sources here, so I urge you to Google it if you don't take my word for it – pushed for both the DOJ definitions and the CDC definitions.

The IPV disparity is similarly striking. Federally-subsidized women's shelters abound across the States, but shelters for men are literally nonexistent. This is despite the fact that according to hundreds of studies by well-respected universities, men comprise at least half of the IPV victims, and the majority of non-reciprocal victimization.

The famous gender pay gap "77%" figure is also a myth, similarly attested to by a good body of research. The actual difference is much lower (single digits). I don't know how much sexism is the cause of it existing at all, and for that matter, neither does anyone else, so I withhold any opinions here.

Unfortunately this is just the tip of the ice berg. Young black men can be treated horribly in this country, in ways unique to the male experience. Even white men have a pretty bum deal compared to women in a lot of regards – criminal sentencing, paternity rights, etc. (Not to ignore that men often have the privilege in others). I've heard over and over that this has to do with patriarchical expectations of men. Yet given what I said above, it's hard not to feel like many feminists aren't actively suppressing men's voices. Often I don't think they even realize that's what they're doing. There's this notion that dismantling the patriarchy is going to save men alongside women. Maybe that's true. But to ignore or shout men's issues down because if it is like saying "oh, we're not going to write you a nausea script because what we really need is to find a cure for cancer."

I've witnessed both friends and family members get the shit beaten out of them by their female SOs because they didn't want to be arrested for using force to defend themselves. I've been in a similar situation with two different women who were romantically into me, except instead of fighting, they wanted sex (really bad, apparently). In both cases I relented because I couldn't stop them without getting physical. (Totes not rape, though.) I get that this happens to women, too, and men do it to other men, and women do it to other women. I really do. But why can't I talk about it with feminists – normal ones, not batshit crazy Tumblr ones – when it happens to me? Believe me, I've tried.

FWiW, I'm not an MRA, either. Just a guy wondering what the fuck is going on with both sides and why they can't bridge their differences. I know – a lot of MRAs are horribly disgusting misogynists. But a lot of them are actually reasonable people with good motives, just like a lot of feminists. So if mainstream feminism isn't really representing men, why can't it let the MRAs do their thing? Don't get me wrong. I'm glad feminism is a "thing," and I recognize it's done a lot of good. But as the scales are balancing out more and more, there are some glaring omissions that really, really bother me.