I found myself in a very similar situation when I first came out. I didn’t want the apps to be “my story.” I wanted to meet someone authentically (the hopeless romantic in me).

I’ll be brutally honest with you: if you’re expecting the hot, nerdy guy at the coffee shop to just approach you one day and you two fall in love, it’s not going to happen (or at least I can say that with 95% certainty) (trust me, I’ve dreamed it happening to me many times).

Being out 4 years now apps are what you make of them. Believe it or not, they are filled with all different types of guys. Guys you wouldn’t even think would be on them. It’s like this I think because most of us realize the numbers are against us.

I just set some standards for myself on apps. I make my bio quite long. I only swipe right for people that put effort into their bio and make it clear what they’re looking for. Yes, apps can be very frustrating. However, I’ve also met some great guys I would have never met.

You sound shy (like me) and I’m not the type to approach a guy at a bar. Actually, most nice, shy guys (which seems to be your type) don’t have the guts to approach another guy. Therefore, even if you’re going out, it may be hard for you to make the move. At least I’ve struggled with it.

Also, going to a bar with the intention of finding someone is going to leave you disappointed most of the time. Every time I used to go out I would hope I would meet someone (and I’m not saying a hookup, I’m saying a potential boyfriend). 1.) You’ll end up disappointed most of the time 2) You can kind of tell which guys aren’t having fun and are clearly just looking to find someone. It looks a bit desperate.

As other said, don’t go into settings with the idea “I’m going to find someone.” Go out with friends, have fun, and if you want to approach someone or someone approaches you - great! But it shouldn’t be your goal.

Sorry for the long response, but essentially it’s hard for us gay guys finding someone, especially if you’re trying to stay off the apps.

In general, though, you’re going to have to put yourself out there in real life. That could be gay events or events in general. While the numbers are against us, gay people are everywhere.

Also, if you have any friends that know a gay guy and they think you two would click, you could try to explore that. Have a friend set you up can be a little tricky, but if they think you two could get along, it’s worth a shot.

Good luck!