This is horrible and I'm embarrassed about how many cush jobs I've had. But I am the master of fake work. I literally hate work so much that I somehow always manage to find the most easy, undemanding jobs ever. I feel guilty just writing this. Please don't judge me.

At one job, I worked in a small office and no one was ever there because they all took appointments elsewhere and worked from home. I'd roll in around 10 and leave at 3. I'd spend my time on the internet doing whatever, or going to the mall. Often I'd meet up with my friend who worked nearby and we'd get drunk at lunch.

After that, I got a job where I made a decent salary and negotiated a remote work schedule, even though no one else in the company was remote. But we had a distributed team so I argued for it. I did absolutely nothing at my job for well over a year. I'm not even exaggerating. My boss lived in another country so we were on opposite schedules and he had no clue what my job was so it was easy to manage expectations and make stuff up. I used to log into our shared chat from my phone so it looked like I was working and I could respond to people if needed but that was rare because again no one knew what I did. Then I'd go do whatever I wanted with my day. Clean my house, grocery shop, go to the gym. I actually logged 400+ hours of volunteer time that year during work hours.

My next job I made a really nice salary and worked in an office. I basically did nothing again and it was great because it was a huge company so we had multiple offices/buildings in the same area. I'd pretend I was in meetings and go hide in conference rooms.

I got laid off from all 3 jobs, shockingly NOT fired. The first job, they closed down the business, the second job they cut my team but offered me a different role and I turned it down. The third, the company lost money after a huge exec scandal and they did a mass layoff.