I'm going to go on a short edgy rant so excuse me

When I was younger, I had a minor existential crisis about how everything is pointless, doesn't matter what I do because in the end I'll die anyway, and I've never cared about what will happen after my death. Then I kinda resigned myself to accepting that I'm too much of a little bitch to commit suicide so I kinda just have to wade through this pool of thick shit until it ends. I'll do whatever I'm supposed to; work, eat, sleep, make small talk, whatever. I don't care but also care too much about my life. I desperately don't want to be homeless and poor but I also just don't care at the same time, if that makes any sense. So no, I'm not looking for anything because in my opinion there just isn't anything to look for