What are some benefits of being your Girlfriend/Boyfriend?

I'm seriously the smartest person ever - I'll tell you everything you want to know about anything and everything. Hell, even things you don't want to know about - I'll tell you about those also. I'm an aspiring musician. I have an app on my phone that I use to create ringtones - not to toot my own horn, but they're BAD ASS. Me, my mom and my grandma are all rocking the ringtones I've created. I promise I'll make you one too!! I'm the best cook ever - my mom tells me every single day. I live with my mom, which is great - she gives me money since I don't work and she cleans and does all the laundry since I'm so tired from playing games all day. My mom is awesome - you'll love her too. You'd better anyway - we're super close. I'm the best driver of all time. I once tried to get into NASCAR, but they wouldn't let me - I think because they were afraid I'd overtake Dale Earnhardt Jr as the best driver of all time - that's what my mom says anyway. I'm the best video game player and I know all the cheat codes. I play about 18 hours a day and any girl I date, first thing is she has to play a couple hours with me - so that she knows how good I am, and all the street cred I've got with my friends online. I'm super hot - my mom tells me I'm the best looking guy she's ever seen, and how if she was my age, she'd definitely be my girlfriend. She doesn't know what's wrong with all the girls on OKCupid. She made my profile and guaranteed I'd pick up chicks. She says they must all be blind - no way they could resist my looks. Oh, I'm seriously jacked. I was blessed with a great metabolism and playing PS3 all day is a great workout. In High School I had to run the mile. Did it in 13 minutes flat! Of course, that was 19 years ago, but with as much video game playing I play, I bet I could do it again - maybe even less than that. I'm sure that I'd be really good at sex and stuff. I don't have a lot of practice, but my mom said that I'm blessed "with a wang that would penetrate even the deepest recesses of the Kardashians" - whatever that means. Sometimes she says stuff that makes no sense.

Anyway - I'd make a great boyfriend. I'm a genius, the best driver, best video game player, I'm a gifted athlete, a musician, hung like a donkey and have the best roommate ever - my mom.

/r/AskReddit Thread