I have rarely spoken about this to anyone, because its something I thought about for years and felt anger and regret over. Only recently have I had clear hindsight about the situation. When I was 19, I met a guy (23). Our first date was in a hotel room, we had sex. It was consensual. He asked me to give him oral and I said no, which prompted him to ask over and over, and even try to forcibly push my head down to his crotch. Eventually I just gave in. So that night ended, and cue us fucking almost every night for the next 4 months or so. I was convinced I was in love with this person, spending all my time with him, going out on dates to real places out in public, etc. During this time, he coerced me into anal, and I got a bad UTI from sleeping with him so often.
One day he invited me over in the day time, and he told me that he was getting back with his ex, and that we couldn't "be together" anymore, and they got married 2 weeks later. I was devasted. I went absolutely crazy in private, became very depressed and privately suicidal. I did some weird shit. I moved hours way with $2000 dollars to my name, quit my job within a week of moving, and moved back to my original town.
It was at this point that he contacted me after several months, infomred me that he was married now, and had a baby on the way. And, that he hated his wife and he missed me. Of course I took him back, told him I wouldnt hesitate to help him raise a child. This lasted a month or two, and then I was abrubtly "dumped" again for the same woman. Once again I was devastated, upset, obssessed with the thought of being with him. I showed up at his job, I showed up at his house, and I hit him. This was six years ago, and the last thing he said to me concerning any kind of relationship with him was, "you blew it. You crossed the line."
I spent a long time very upset and depressed and envious of this other girl. Everything I did with him was consensual, but only now that I've gotten older and more experienced to I realize how incredibly fucked up he was as a person. I was coerced into a lot with him, gaslit, straight up lied to, and ignored. It took me years to get over it and be able to date someone and not think about this piece of shit person. Im not sad about it anymore, but instead I'm incredibly angry that a grown man would take advantage of a naive girl. Im DISGUSTED at that person.
Im married now to a wonderful man, but I still sometimes have dreams of this guy, good and bad. I really truy hate him.
If you want mroe specific details, feel free to ask. This was actually pretty therapuetic to talk about.
Thanks for posting this.