Got broken in 7 years. I had sadistic inclinations getting out of control and society put an end to it. Having hard time expressing thoughts since then. I am avoiding to cooperate with other people even when my well being depends on that. Self talk (daydreaming includes) comes to me just as natural as breathing so i do rarely feel lonely. I don't have psychiatric labels and i doubt i would ever get them.

I have never been in love with someone and i know how strong it is as motivator. I have seen it on front seats too many times.

I have never had a job or hobby that would genuinely interest me, i have abandoned law college for 3 months before the course ending. Fully dependent on my relatives, they seem to be ok with that.

I do rarely feel content. Intense physical excersises and stressful situations give me burning sensation on my neck, torso and arms. Recently discovered self-harm, if only i knew before how helpful can it be, at last i get some benefit of my sensitive skin. I started spending time outside. I live in industrial zone covered by forests, lots of places to stroll around without people bothering.

I am emotionally fucked up, i have no sympathy to others. Posts like this make me smile About a year ago my neighbour cried to me about her lost daughter due to brain cancer (lived out in vegetable state for a few months before dying) and i tried hard not to laugh in her face, luckily she was too busy grieving over her child's demise.

I would ctb thousand of times, if only i had control over my body.