I've always disliked many social justice people because I often feel like they frequently give unfair stereotypes of entire groups, erase victims that are in the "wrong" demographics and protect abusers and perpetrators in the "right" demographics, engage in a lot of classist behavior, and spend more time worrying about frivolities than issues most struggling people actually deal with. It feels like the goal is often more to just be jerks and hypocrites than actually solve problems for struggling people.

So, finding out that their stereotype of men being incredibly shallow and having unrealistic beauty standards is right is... kinda demoralizing. I wanted to defend you guys!

It's not really finding out that being overweight is an issue that struck me. It's finding out that being chubby makes me "grossly obese", it's the disgust and hostility aimed at me for being chubby, it's categorically dismissing the majority of American women, it's the refusal to accept that I might actually be physically healthy in terms of weight-related issues, the refusal to accept that I might have legitimate issues with losing weight that aren't me being lazy, the refusal to accept that someone might have things on their priority list than working out. It's the "level" of how much it's an issue that blew me away.

All over something that I just don't give a single crap about when it comes to men. I've crushed on plenty of guys my level of chubby or more. Someone in the thread showed me a couple pics of two large men and tried to opine there was a big massive difference between the two and I looked and was like, "...they just look like two perfectly cute large guys." It's just not something I care about much at all, so finding out it's such a huge deal for a lot of guys is... odd.

Other things that troubled me:

The sheer number of people who act like being geeky/nerdy doesn't count as valid hobbies/interests. Or the people who complain I think too much or care too much about facts and logic. The people who go "this is why nobody likes you" the minute I disagree with or question something.

I once had my ex-BF say to me "I liked you better when I thought you were a ditz." This felt a lot like that.

I can lose weight, but I literally can't act not smart. Asking me to not question and consider things is like asking a bird to not fly or a fish to not swim.

The number of people who act like "be a decent human being" is an unreasonable standard is more disturbing than the beauty standards, TBH.

Thank you for the apology, though.

Someone in the thread has actually been giving me some constructive advice on flirting and dealing with the fact that how I develop my sexual attraction runs literally 180 degrees from how other people develop their attractions. Basically, I develop attraction after I get to know someone, but apparently how it works is that you're supposed to somehow foster attraction before you get to know someone. I hope they don't get lost in the shuffle, because this is stuff that's actually not stuff I knew before and potentially constructive.

I guess it kind of sounds though like men really want the seductress type, which I'm... not. I'm more the Girl Next Door/Adorable type. I sometimes wonder if that's why men so much older than me are the only ones who flirt with me, since they grew up in an era where the sweet ingenue was considered the ideal archetype in women.

Stuff like playing hard to get or being a tease doesn't really compute either. (I'm playful, but that's not really the same thing.) I'm kind of naturally honest/sincere and tend to wear my heart on my sleeve. Hrm.