What can I(M21) do to help her?(F19)

I hope she finds a way to create a narrative about her experience that doesn’t blame her actions and her choices for what happened to her. Sometimes the language can be hard, being a victim or a survivor, so if she struggles with that remind her who she is as a person outside of that terrible time. You might have to remind her that you aren’t blaming her, she shouldn’t blame herself, and IF she experiences victim blaming later, like some asking why she drank so much or what she wore, that she doesn’t have to respond to that. Those questions are useless. Rape kits are invasive and uncomfortable to say the least, but she is being really strong to do that process and I am really proud of her. You might need to be more aware of when and how you touch her if she is having any trauma from her experience, so be gentle and patient if that is the case. Ask permission to help, ask permission to stop by, and ask her if she wants any help finding someone to talk to. Do not violate her trust by telling people or spreading information about what happened. I developed new and specific aversions after I had a bad experience with a tinder date, I got very nervous around dogs and in non-public spaces during that time. That was where I was at and was part of my process of protecting myself. Something like that could happen to her. Do not call it out as damage, it’s not, it’s unconscious preservation. Thank you for helping her, and thank you for asking what to do. Good luck!

/r/askwomenadvice Thread