In a long story as short as it can be, this last 2 years has been total hell for me, this past year especially. Stepmom passed away from breast cancer in Aug 2017, Uncle committed suicide in Feb 2018, as well as had to put my 12yo cat down due to cancer in Feb 2018. Since my stepmom's passing, my father has turned to drugs, drinking, and complete chaos with a woman he now has married since being incarcerated.

In April 2018, I decided to move home to help my father take care of my siblings, as I was already bringing food every day I went there, "lending" him money to pay bills that I'd never see again, and he was in a spiral down a rabbit hole of craziness with this woman who had also tried to physically assault me back in January 2018.

Upon moving home, a week later, my father was so messed up, that he decided to try and kill my siblings, myself, and two of my friends after we tried to help him while he was messed up, unconscious on the floor covered in his own urine. My sister and I were seriously worried he was going to OD, to the point where we had my sister's therapist on the phone. Why we didn't just call 911 and have them come check on our father? Because we knew he'd get in trouble as I had to pick him up from 3 out of 4 D.U.I.s within the last year. The 4th D.U.I lead him to be life-flighted back in Sept 2017.

Anywho, my father decided he would become aggressive and combative in his children trying to make sure he was okay, to the point where I had to take an M16 rifle from him... just for him to shoot off his 9mm pistol 6 times into our home, and cause us to have to escape from a trapped bedroom window...

At that point of calling 911, having to escape down an emergency fire ladder with my 11yo brother, 15yo sister, and my two friends who I am so thankful to have, the trauma from it all has eaten at me for the past 8 months... in the last 8 months, I had been forced to take over my family home even though I could not afford it (I had moved out of my apartment to help my father with the family home and kids), my siblings were put into foster care and children and youth, but luckily my aunt has taken them in, and I've been left with a mess of a house, trauma that I can't seem overcumb, and a whole pile a what most likely is mental health issues that I am facing every day. Ive had little to no help or even offer of help from not even family members... the only help I've had is of my friend (who was there for the shooting incident with my father as well) and his family... I lost a good 40-50lbs from stress alone. Could not sleep at my home due to paranoia, and night terrors.. it became constant anxiety to where I never felt okay, I didnt feel safe at my own home, I have been on edge of my body being on guard now for 8 months. I'm physically tired, mentally drained, and with it, it finally got to the point where the last two months, I've stayed only 3 nights at my family home, the rest has been at a friends house...

Where I'm going with all of this is what change I made to positively impact my life the best I can, is I gave up my family home... I quit my job... I've since come to the conclusion that I am not alone in this and while I do have a lot going on inside my head, there are others here to help me where they can... my friend and his family offered to let me move into their home. I've cut my father from my life as well since then, as he has always caused more stress and anxiety for me my entire life. Hes been a toxic leech in my 21 years I've been around. Just telling myself that he won't be in my life again helps even in the smallest because, in the end, it will only be 21 years of his pain and no more than that.