People think a lot of my behavior and actions are based on choices rather than conditions I have.

They look down on me for showering 5 hours a day because they don't know I have OCD. Actual OCD, not the Internet "haha I'm so weird about that it just my OCD" bullshit.

I didn't sleep through this or that on purpose or because I'm an asshole. I didn't choose to go to bed last "night" at 845 a.m. I am an insomniac. Trust me, if I could sleep like normal people I'd trade almost anything.

I am autistic. No one outside my family knows the diagnosis. I am a master of masking my conditions. I spend all of my life attempting to appear "normal". But sometimes I do strange things or people notice my repetitions or behaviors but I usually cover with an excuse or laugh it off.

I suffer from anxiety and depression. I have panic attacks pretty regularly in a variety of situations and locations. Depression isn't as bad as it once was but I've attempted suicide in the past. I take medication for both. No one knows but me and my immediate family.

There are other things I could give examples of but those all show that people make assumptions about me because they don't know the shitty hand I was dealt.

They think I'm an asshole because I slept through their child's birthday at 3 p.m. They think I'm flaky, don't like them, or am mad because I cannot calm my anxiety enough to leave my bedroom even if I really really want to go. They think I'm inconsiderate because after doing something I need to take an hour and a half shower before going out to eat. And they think my lack of social understanding is me choosing to be weird or playing dumb because I don't understand social protocol.

In reality I'm none of those things. Most of my behaviors are not my choice. I'm sorry for who I am, but I wouldn't be me if I had a choice either.