What do country people not understand about city life?

  1. Just because your bumpkin ass wants to shoot off fireworks doesn't mean the WHOLE FUCKING STATE should be a free-fire zone. There are way too many goddamn people here to do that shit safely, and nobody wants to listen to fuckin dollar-store bottle rockets for a month.

  2. If your family needs to waddle down the sidewalk, don't form a blockade. You wanna play red rover? I will shoulder-check you, your ugly kids and your ham planet wife.

  3. How to fucking drive, and by that i mean:

  • going 10 under the goddamn speed limit so their bumpkin ass doesn't miss their turn and then mean mugging people who dare pass them

  • if you're gonna drive at molasses speed get the fuck out of the right lane near an on-ramp during rush hour. people are trying to fucking merge.

  • use your fucking turn signal. this ain't gravel. nobody knows where the fuck you're trying to go

  • they'll speed out onto a busy road to make the gap, then never touch the accelerator again

  • fuck you and your truck with pipes. sorry ten generations of cousin-fucking gave you a micropenis, that doesn't mean i need to hear your shit-ass lifted silverado from a half mile away. same goes for dudes on loud-ass cruiser bikes. you weren't cool in high school, you're not cool now.

  1. If the city wants to raise the minimum wage, it's because shit is expensive and people are struggling. Yet some bumpkin gets all worried that now they'll have to pay their gas station cashier or migrant workers a living wage, so they tell their local representative to pass a statewide law superseding the local increases, which is real fuckin peculiar given the aversion rural folk have to BIG GUBMINT.
/r/AskReddit Thread