In college between 19 and almost 22 I worked as a bouncer and a DJ at this large club that was half strip club half rock club. Meaning - during the day most days they had boobs and at night they had loud rock music. On Saturdays I worked all day as the sole bouncer & DJ for the strip club time, and generally it wasn't terribly busy. This was back in the late '90s.

I saw a lot of creepy shit that became normal but damn, this one time stands out. So it was a Saturday and I wasn't happy to be there anyway so I was overall pretty lazy. As the day went on I was doing the bare minimum - checking with the bartender to make sure nobody was more fucked up than he was, doing my lap around the building once an hour, and making sure the girls stayed in rotation. One of those days where the creeps just got away with whacking off in the corner if they passed the girls extra cash, my give a fuck was set at 0.

So we're in mid-afternoon and I'm going down the list and realize two girls have missed their rotation once, and are about to again. I tell the one on stage I'm going to go look for them and set a couple CD's up for her to give me a good 15-20 to look through the corners of the building. Generally when that happens either they had passed out drunk, or were smoking pot and forgot. Normal shit.

So I go around the building and nothing, last stop I start walking back towards the girls' dressing rooms. I heard one voice painfully crying and one very gruffly saying something I couldn't make out. Fuck. I sprint back to the door and knock (I couldn't just go in, obvious reasons) and a third voice says "it's ok, come in".

I open the door and right in front of me is the one who said to come in who just nods over her shoulder and says "I think they did a little too much crank". This is one of those scenes you never UN-see.

One is up on a chair bent over with her cheeks spread, crying and occasionally laughing. The other is very... roughly massaging and rubbing creme onto the other's hemorrhoids as she masturbates. One had on hemorrhoids, one hand on herself. A pile of fucking creme on the counter next to her.

I stood there for a minute not knowing what the fuck to do and just erred on the side of slowly walking out while trying desperately not to vomit. I took them off the rotation and nobody asked any questions leading me to wonder how long they'd been going at it like that. About an hour later they both emerged and didn't say a word about it, like it never fucking happened.

I told the guy who worked the same job during the days (again - girls during the day, hair cover bands during the night) and he just said "if you think that's bad, that's fucking nothing".

There's a reason why porn, strippers, and shit like that now does nothing for me.