I was with my Mexican uncle getting groceries... The fact that he is Mexican may or may not be relevant, I'm not really sure...

I was a little chubby, mullet wearing fat shit with hunger issues, so I stole some Lifesaver gummies at the checkout at the local Albertsons, which may or may not have been a Lucky's at the time...94 or 95? 93 maybe? It may or may not have been somewhere in the High Desert, but that may or may not be relevant.

I remember the immediate ass whooping I received in the parking lot, in front of God and everyone's 3rd cousin's classmate in junior high circa the early 80s, once I had stupidly pulled my precious Lifesaver gummies out of my in front of my Mexican uncle, because in 94 or 95 public executions of child ass beating may or may not have been more acceptable in the public conscious in the early 90s...

I don't recall exact details...because 5, or a year or two north of 5...Math is not my friend...

Maybe its cause Mexican uncle though? I'm a pasty white boy, but something close to half of my family is married to a Mexican or is a half breed, which I say because it's literally true and I'm generally a fan of casual racism on a weird level I can't really describe...Fuck explaining it, my statement stands...Being raised in that environment makes me an honorary Mexican. Its doesn't really, but I neei to justify being an asshole...it all just goes around in circles so fuck it...It may or may not be, but is most likely racist and while I don't recall being a card carrying Klansman or a border watching douche with a gun and a real hatred of any race, it certainly reaffirms the fact I am a fucking fat asshole... It's the weed, man, which makes me that way and also, white privileges and stuffs...

OK, back to Mexican uncle. I have a tendency to go off on stupid, mildly offensive tangents.. Mexican uncle, OK now...

Every George Lopez stand up special or album I've seen or heard (pre sitcom stuff can be good) all of the shit Carlos Mencia appropriated off George Lopez, and finally that fluffy one with a problem with obesity, have made me believe that Mexican parents really don't really give a fuck... Especially when it comes to disciplining their's and even other people's kids swiftly, harshly, and without prejudice so those little fuckers don't do that shit again...That last sentence seems long to me. I try my best with grammar, but those kids may or may not do it again. There's no telling. Its a crap shoot... Also, I've heard several comedians of black African American decent joke about the harshness of their punishments, in a light-ish hearted manner that is more easily consumed by the white Americans who's palates still make up the majority of hip hop sales...That point may or may not invalidated my belief about Mexican parents, or uncle in my case...It does sort of highlight that maybe white people are the reason we don't hit our kids anymore, as hard, or maybe why kid/parent fight club is fast becoming America's number one underground spectator sport, who's rules prohibit its discussion or acknowledgement of it's existence...

After my ass whooping, I may or may not have stolen again...

And there's a long winded version of a story that could have been significantly shorter.

TL;DR - Mexican uncle kicked my ass because I was fat.