what did you think was completely normal in the relationship untill you discovered it was abusive behaviour?

My experience. He'd claim otherwise of course, but if anything made him upset he was quick to assign blame.

  • Don't question his decisions... but why didn't you stop him sabotaging himself?
  • Don't tell him what to do... but why can't you be more assertive?
  • Frustrated because he didn't feel in control... but why don't you make decisions anymore?

He was angry if I interfered, or he was upset if I didn't. He was insulted if I questioned him, and yet begged me to challenge him. He would criticise everything so much that I can only think of five things he likes, yet dozens of things he hates - yet insisted he didn't want me to change.

I feel sorry for him, tbh. He's not a bad person, but only feels secure if he's in control, even though he dislikes the responsibility. If these moments truly are permanents facets of his self, he'll alienate any partner he has, no matter how kind he is between them.

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