I have tried. And it usually starts fine, and I do all of the 'good partner' things that are expected that I didn't do in my marriage, and I'm more than happy to do them. I have a lot of quiet pride in NOT being that person anymore. But sooner rather than later, my depression hits way too hard I don't want to subject anyone to that, for risk of relapse, so I usually find a way to end it quickly, or the depressive change in my demeanor is enough to do it for me.

The reality is that for all the work that I have done, for all the good that I can claim to be in any moment, I can't guarantee that at some point in the future, I won't have a complete breakdown and do something that traumatizes someone else. I just can't allow that risk.