I was the best man at their wedding. After only a few months of marriage, he was on his motorcycle in an intersection and was hit by a passing car and died. She had a very difficult time recovering after his death, with a number of persistent psychological issues that required medication. She had even convinced herself that she was pregnant during the denial stage of the grieving process (her body was doing some weird things under stress). I remained friends with her and tried to be as supportive as I could from across the country.
After a couple of years, it turned into something. She came to visit and we had a great time, and I moved back home and we started dating. It was going great, and she seemed to be coping better. Then some strange, small behaviors started happening. We had even casually mentioned marriage a few times, and she said that she would love it if I used the stone from her previous husband's ring in our future wedding ring, which weirded me out a little bit. I didn't want to become the reincarnation of her dead husband, even though we had been room-mates and were good friends.
There were other things, but I won't belabor the details. It all came to a head one day on a fishing trip. She fell down while we were hiking and totally lost it. Hysteria, tears, screaming at her dead husband in the sky, asking him why he did this to her, etc. I'm standing there with a fishing pole like "Uhhh....."
I suppose I should have been flattered that she would "open up" in front of me, but I was terrified. I decided she wasn't ready for another relationship and we moved on. I haven't spoken to her for years, but my sister is still friends with her and she is now married and doing well.
It kind of sounds like a Nicholas Sparks novel. I suppose we all want someone who desperately needs us. I probably could have been her savior, the person who helped her finish grieving and put her life back together. I would practically have been diety. But I didn't want a service project, I wanted a partner. Even though it broke my heart to say goodbye, I knew that I had the right to decide how much responsibility I was going to accept for the well-being of my marriage and future family.
I am now married to a beautiful, intelligent, and hard-working woman who is not only my equal, but my superior (even though she was too good for me and probably everybody, I told myself that if nobody deserved her, I might as well be the one who married her). We have two amazing little boys and I am bursting with happiness at how my life turned out.
I liked the end of La-La Land, but my wife didn't.