What did you not understand until you experienced it?

I've had it my entire adult life. I tried various SSRIs in the mid 2000s and they did absolutely nothing beyond a temporary placebo effect. Still undiagnosed because I don't have a fucking clue how to talk about this shit to anyone. No, actually I do. I could talk about it at great length and in great detail, especially if asked the right questions, but I don't want to because putting it into words would make it real and the last thing I want is for this shit to exist outside my head as well as inside it. Also I don't want to annoy the several people I call friends with my personal crap, and I don't want to show weakness in front of family and strangers. Fuck knows why I'm even typing this tbh

/r/AskReddit Thread