That I'm not the ultra-logical, emotionally cold manly man I thought I was. I was entirely convinced this was true.

While I do try to be as logical as possible, I am so far from emotionally cold. I have become aware that at times my emotions run me so hard. I was bottled up for so long that it festered into severe clinical depression. I still am bottled up, its a work in progress that involves many doctor, therapist and psychiatrist meetings along with many tablets. Its easy to admit behind a keyboard, you'd never hear me say it in real.

It has been spelled out to me that I actually have a problem with excessive empathy. I feel everyone's pain and wish I could do something to help them, even those on the other side of the World who I have nothing in common with. This has contributed to what I mentioned above. Not helped by the fact that I always keep up to date on as much news as possible, from as much of the World as possible.

Fuck the culture of raising men to be emotionally detached, it doesn't work. I implore all people, men and women, to go and look at the symptoms of depression. Read thoroughly about it. If you feel that any of those things may apply to you, and don't try to pretend otherwise, go and get help. Don't wait way too long like I did. It is not weak or unmanly to have depression, it is an uncontrollable clusterfuck of chemicals in your brain or something. It is as far from your control as any other medical condition. That is why we have healthcare.