Being tolerant of my last rant, about how self-depreciative I am... I promised myself to keep this part of my personality hidden, because when I am in this state, litterally anything can hurt me. But yeah, to sum it up he wanted to use a cute name in a text message, to cheer me up as I was getting extremly anxious and I ended up taking it as an insult on my look. Pure paranoia. I don't know how the hell he can stand being with someone like this. The way I behaved, reacted... This is the type of person I'd try to run away from. I had to apologize about being such a mess but... Man, he do love me even in this state. This is madness to me, because I feel like I somehow put some shit in the system by doubting of myself to this degre. I want to trust him, I don't want to do this ever again. I don't understand what happened, it's like I was taking the shit out of everything. I could take the shit out of the most innocent thing. My ego takes all the space in these moments, it terrifies me. I'm a bit scared that this event will make him be less and less spontaneous because of this. But gosh, he's still here... I want to feel worthy, and to his eyes I already am. Gosh, this is just making me feel emotional that someone tolerate me like this and is willing to try to help me calm down. Just typing this, I'm not even sure I'm able to realize how lucky I am. This is such a touchy subject for me... I don't know where does this behavior come from... It was quite embarassing.