I'm pretty much in this boat right now. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, trying to figure out the best way to deal with dysphoria. To be honest, I feel like I'm not even allowed to call it that. But how many cis females think of themselves as male, wish they were born male, and wish they could transition, even though they have a good life and a functioning, dare I say conventionally attractive, body? My gender troubles are entirely illogical - I have no reason to envy guys and hate only the female parts of myself as much as I do, yet I do. Is transitioning my only hope to escape this misery of wanting things I can't have? People act like having dysphoria = you are transgender = transitioning is the only cure, which leaves no room for nuance. Deciding to transition is not a simple yes or no. There's so much to factor in - will I be accepted in society? What if I never pass? What if my body rejects hormones? What if I'm deluded and wrong? What if, what if, what if? When you're really bogged down by dysphoria, it's easy to become desperate and get into an "as long as I can transition, everything will be all right, I'll figure things out from there" frame of mind. I have to remind myself that transitioning is a commitment. I will have to live as a trans person for my whole life, and I don't know if I'm ready for that right now. A life of getting confused stares, of having legal documents that don't match up with my appearance or who I am as a person, of never being cis. Sometimes it's easier to just hide behind the identity of "gender non-conforming person", since that's what most people think I am anyway. Whether I live as a trans person or as a gnc person, there are pros and cons, trade-offs. It's all about weighing them and finding the path that is the least taxing on my current mental state. Maybe I'll transition someday, maybe I'll learn to make peace with this in-betweenness and avoid having to transition to be dysphoria-free, maybe one day I'll be magically cured. Who knows what the future holds. I still hope to transition someday, but right now I'm not ready to jump into transitioning and being visibly trans. So I just treat my gender troubles like I do my other mental troubles, and try to get by from one day to the next. I really believe it's a personal decision how someone chooses to treat their dysphoria. Maybe some people will disagree, but eh whatever. Life is hard enough without other people telling you you're doing gender wrong. That's my two cents.